What makes you Brave?

I asked my students to write a journal entry on what makes them brave today.

I didn't get to read the answers but I can't stop thinking about it. I explained that I feel like a new year is terrifying, and sad, and hard, and that I feel like just giving up at the thought of a new year. But there has got to be something that keeps us motivated right? Something that keeps us from falling off our bed in the morning and crawling into a tiny ball in our PJ's and sucking our thumbs until the night comes again? There's got to be.

These are the things which make us brave. That make us brave? who knows.

Anyway. There are several things that makes me brave.

1. Prayer to my Heavenly Father. I cannot imagine not being able to access that relationship every day and being constantly comforted and buoyed up by His love and care.

2. Sugar. For real. I am absolutely addicted to it and I think about the next delicious thing I'm going to make and what it's going to look, taste, and smell like. I'm obsessed.....for this readon I'm on a processed/baked sugar fast for the next 2 weeks. Whoop-de-do....

3. Ben. That guy is so dang positive! I seriously think he must have some strange book that translates women talk. Today (the beginning to that lovely monthly gift) he decided he would help me go to Costco, help me do the laundry, clean all the dishes and the kitchen, and rave about dinner even though it was a little off. Dear Heavens he is heaven sent.

4. Future. The future must be brighter because it can only get better from a day where one would like to be squashed between the wall and her gigantic bed in footie pajamas with a jar of nutella. The future hold gorgeous things, the end of the term, the end of the year, summer, family, our family, beautiful life.

I could go on and on.

I guess I'm trying to say that love makes me brave. My love for things, people, time, and their never wavering love for me. I am trying to be brave world, but it's very scary out there.

The Interim

At the end of something fabulous and the beginning of something unknown I tend to fall apart.

The whole nine yards...
-sobbing
-gloomy
-sugar binge
-uptight
-disagreeable
-and generally sad.

Plain old sad.

When I got married this happened for a goo two weeks straight and then another couple months here and there. Don't get me wrong, I was thrilled to marry Ben! It's the best thing that's happened so far in all my 23 years! But the mourning of my old life, and the transition to my new one was devastating for me. I could not make the two slip into one another like a hand in a glove. One life was a very gnarly old hand and the other life was a sleek, leather glove.

I've coined this strange occurrence "the interim".

Lately I've been plagued by one of my more difficult interims. We had one of the most amazing Christmas Breaks I've ever had. It was full of family, friends, food, lazyness, memories, skiing, food, laughter, games, anniversaries, black diamonds, aquarium fish, food, shopping, sisters, brothers, mommies and pops, and naturally-cookies.

Needless to say it was perfect, the perfect break from my life on planet.....well, for appropriateness' sake....middle school.
No more, yelling, running around, teaching, planning, monotony, surprises, kids, papers, assignments, parents. No More me being an adult.
Oh yes, plus I finally got to see my husband :)

We returned to ProvoLand after New Year's and the effect of my interim was shocking. I immediately felt awful and terrified of what was coming next. Mind you I knew exactly what was coming next but I could not come to terms with it. I couldn't leave my tiny paradise behind and go into the world of 6-3pm. again.

Thankfully I have the most darling husband in the world who holds me tight and listens when I'm low then makes me tea in my favorite owl mug. Love him.

Anyway, tomorrow this interim ends. The new beginning starts and the sadness will start to fade as I remember how much I love those kids and how hilarious my life is. I will go to the grocery store and revel in the ability I have to pick out my own food and cook meals I love and experiment in the kitchen. I will drag my dirty laundry down the stairs into the 10 degree weather and wash it gladly so I can once more nuzzle my nose into Ben's shoulder and smell home. I will call up my sister and sister-in-law (my new best friends) and we will go to the gym and talk about love while pretending to stay healthy.

But for now- excuse me while I tear up and take my last interim moments up by watching the season premier of Downton Abbey.

How to teach in a power outage

#rd hour was going great. Almost half of my kids did their homework (it's a rough class) and everyone was working away on their peer edits--making sure their classmates bumped up their grades a bit.

I walked back to my desk to see what I could from the back of the room and grab something or other and
BAM
blackout.

not really BAM per say, it was more of a bewooowwwwmmmm- silence. Absolute chaos ensued.

My classroom was mostly just mildly surprised and everyone was a tad confused- but the 6th grader down the hall were yelling, screaming in pure terror! Oh did I mention that they actually have WINDOWS in those classrooms? So here are my precious 9th graders, calmly taking out cell phone to light the way, opening doors and staying seated just waiting until I figure out what's going on.

Little do they know, the dark is what I'm most afraid of. Terrified really. I can't stand it.

SO we trudge out to the hallway where there's a bit more light, but it's super loud and freeeeing because the heat is electric and they just get right back to work. Love them.

Anyway, we get ushered into another teacher's room and keep working. Eventually the kids are let out to go get lunch in the pitch dark lunch room (I refused to help until my need for a fork forced me in) and then they're told to return to their 3rd hour classroom. Back they come to me and we just sit and eat lunch and they ask me questions after question.

What's your husband's name?
major?
age?
where'd you get married?
Why?
What kind of music do you like?
What is the longest time you've spent doing the same thing at one time? ( writing an outline, 8 hours)


It was exhausting but fun! I loved being able to tell them about my life and to be a real person just stuck in a blackout with them! But my favorite part was when they all asked
"well can't we just stay with you 4th hour and talk, someone can cover your class and who care if we go to ours?"

love them.

still had to go to class :/

luckily for me 4th hour was held in the library and by 2:20 we had a total of 5 people left after the mass parental concern took most kids home.


Moral of the story? Sometimes it snow. And when it snows, sometimes people run into electrical poles and blow a school's power for a day. It rocks.
I love being a teacher.

10 things I love about you

On the tenth day of Christmas your true love gives to you........
the top ten most wonderful things I love about you!

1. I love the way you dance around with all your long limbs wiggling and jiggling when you take study breaks and come visit me in the living room. It makes me laugh and remember why I love your goofiness.

2. I love that you let me take you shopping sometimes and you try things on that you may not like at first just so I can play dress up with my personal Ken doll :)

3. I love when you squeal when I put my cold toes on you and you shrivel up into a little ball when I reven threaten to touch your face with my cold finger tips. But then you relax and let me warm them up, all the while holding in the pain of freezing digits on your warm skin. Hey!

4. I love watching movies with you. Not just the watching part--the whole thing. The walk down to the redbox, the argument over hot chocolate (inevitable), the arranging the couch with blankies and sufficient amounts of pillows, the sudden urge for popcorn (that I sometimes get to beg for ;)), and the last question before the movie- "do you want to (finish some bizzarre craft) or can I turn the lights off?" I love that question! I just love it! You are possibly the sweetest and most considerate thing I've ever met!

5. I love how every Sunday you drive me to church and remind me that you will be keeping your eyes oen as I say a prayer. And how every night you snuggle in bed with me while I read you the scriptures and how you stay close when we say our prayers. I love how you help me be close to my Savior and support me in my wild and crazy calling ;)

6. I love how you encourage me to be healthy and teach me what is best to eat and what kinds of exercise is best. I love learning with you! Without your help I'd be that girl who eats a pint of ice cream every night because, hey! I'm already married!

7. I love that you like reading my blog and stalking me on facebook- a girl loves to be stalked by her hubs every now and again. You always make me feel wanted and like you're still falling in love with me and a little more obsessed with me every day (that sounds weird, but you know what I mean).

8. I love the way you sometimes leave me silly notes on the table/mirror/car anywhere! It helps me remember that I'm loved even when I'm not with  you. I keep all those notes and read them once and a while.

9. I love the way you let me dream and dream with me. We dream about our house on the lake and our adventures in Africa and med school and Europe and puppies and getting out of Provo and being real life people and being in love forever and ever and always. I love it.

10. I love that you let me cry and cry over nothing and just hold me tight and tell me everything will be ok and you squeeze me to death every time you see me and have to hug me at least 10 times a day or you're unsatisfied. I love that you love love as much as I do- I know because you like kissing my cheeks :) and that is a natural sign.

I love the way you love me Ben Otto! This really has been the best year of my life and I can't even imagine ever being without you ever,EVER, again.
I love you <3
Sydney Rose

Gosh DANG you're cute!

Portuguese sweet memories

Well....
Here I sit- being the laziest laze you've ever met. I have my laptop on my lap- my kindle by my side and the TV on playing "Extremem Makeover Home Edition". I have nothing to say for myself other than......I love winter?

Annnyywayyyy
Sunday was fast Sunday. And I had that feeling. The one where you are so grateful for such a great opportunity to fast for friends and family who need a little extra help from our Father in Heaven....but you are starving! So of course I decided that making food would help. What to make was the next question. I flipped through my family recipe book (got a good recipe that's just your? I'd Love it!) and found exactly what I needed-- Portuguese Sweet Bread.

This is no normal sweet bread- this is the most fantastically sweet, succulent, soft, chewy, melt in your mouth goodness bread.

When I was little my mom would make this gorgeous bread and I'd watch her big, strong hands knead the bread over, and over, and over. She would throw her whole body into that bread, concentrating so hard and pounding the dough until it was smooth and thick. Sticking her tongue out she would wave us all over and every girl would knead the bread- our much tinier hands punching the dough until it seemed our arms would fall off!

Then she would roll out the soft goop and shape it into the beautiful snail shell shape we knew meant heaven in your mouth. After brushing a little egg over the top it would go into the over and for the next 30 minutes we were tortured by the wonderful scent of Portuguese sweet bread.

Though my experience was not nearly as romantic, it was full of delicious memories! Oh yeah, and I finally figured out why my mom always insists on stirring and kneading by hand--perfect way to get rid of excess energy, anger, annoyance...and hunger :)

Fake trees

In case the major influx of colored lights and pine smells didn't clue you in- it's Christmas! I'm thrilled about this because last year we didn't really get to celebrate Christmas the way it should be celebrated due to a major event in our lives....marriage. So this year we have started out right!

We got a little fake tree-stuck it together like pros, fluffed out the plastic branches and plugged it all in.

Then we got all of our ornaments together to check out what we had and put the hooks on. If you look carefully you can see Ben's ornament this year......Darth Vadar in glass.

But the REAL treats were these little jewels. Somehow All of Ben's homemade ornaments got to our house and you can bet your bottom they are ALL on our little tree. I could not stop laughing and insisting that we give them all a place of honor. How can you resist that precious face?? And the popsicle sticks? Dear heaven help us TOO cute! They all made it one though some a little further to the back than others  for Ben's sake :)

With a silver star on top our tree was finished! We immediately proceeded to wrap presents, string lights around our entire living room--turn them on--and sit enjoying our handiwork while Christmas music played softly in the background. Very romantique :)

Decorating our tiny little hole in the wall made me a little homesick, but mostly it made me thankful for Ben and his intense love of the holidays. He actually appreciates my decorating and fussing and helps! Dear gosh I love him. He has been so busy and studying like a mad man but he always takes time to help me make our hole feel like home. Love that man.

Joyeux Noël mes amis!

A Very Otto Thanksgiving

What a great Thanksgiving Break! Ben and I have literally never been so lazy in our lives and it was fantastic! Though I'm not sure if it could have laste much longer without us both losing our minds- we still had a lovely time with lots of family!

It reminded me of a lot of things I'm newly thankful for this year.

First that I married this gorgeous, loving man! I kind of look scary in this pic-- but look how cute Ben is! And that Bear shirt...you really can't beat it! He is everything and more i could have ever asked for and he came out of nowhere to sweep me off my feet. Plus he's hilarious and laughs at the dorky things I say, and is just as gross and filled with 5th grade humor as I am :0 ahh, tru luv.

Next is this beautiful sister I acquired! She is a true beauty with a heart of gold and a lot of sass. I think you have to have that as the only girl of 8 kids--that's a lot of brothers. I have had the best year getting to know her and having an older sister instead of being the older sister. I love it! and I love her!

I'm also thankful for these two :) It has been so much fun to watch their relationship go from acquaintances to love birds. They have been our good friends, early morning helpers and constant source of hilarity.

Ah, the cool kids :) I'm so grateful for these two and their ever techy, ever athletic, and ever matter-of-fact attitudes. They are precious (yes, precious) and have taught me one of the best ways to stay in love=actually doing things together! I'm pretty sure they have the most fun out of all of us.

Oh- and did I mention this handsome Jack? The guy who makes bizarre dinners with me, dries while I wash dishes, sings me soulful tunes at any and all times, wears this shirt......, helps me stay healthy, while indulging in my Farr's addiction every so often, eats everything I cook and then some, squeezes my guts with hugs and claims that I have the most kissable cheeks?

Oh that's right, I did! My mistake. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!