wanderlust

Lots of people use their blogs for pictures I've noticed. I mostly use mine for writing.

When I was 20 I went to Italy for 6 weeks and then Greece for 1 week. I can honestly say I'd never felt more alive before that (I've done a lot of living since though). Of course I didn't feel dead, I just didn't feel like I was living as fully as I did in Italy.

There are lots of reasons for this phenom but I've really been thinking about it a lot lately, and mostly it makes me want to cry every time I think of it.

Actually- the sound of my washer cleaning Ben's clothes also makes me want to cry right now...must be that time again!

Anyway. Italy was the first place and time when I was in charge of no one but myself. It was my most selfish and introverted time whilst being my most flamboyant as well. Everything was about me. I had my own room, bathroom, spot outside our apt, music to listen to as I fell asleep, discussions with myself, my own friend, my own experiences, my own everything. No one at home could even imagine all the gorgeousness I saw everyday and I secretly loved that. I wrote essays and such to share with mi familia but it's not the same.

Everyday was like living in a fairytale. The whole city is a fairytale. The grocery store, the fruit stands, the gelato shops, the sites, the cobblestone, the pizza, the air/smog/oil, the superstition, the artists, the art, the street performers, the doorways to houses, the flower boxes, the colors of everything. It was so bright and vivid and alive!

I just miss it. I miss the uncertainty of it all and the adventure. I miss our little apartment and the train and walking everywhere.

My life now is an even bigger and wilder adventure, but sometimes I dream about sitting on the porch behind our apt. with a big bowl of fruit and my computer and listening to the pianist in our complex and breathing in the olive oil and writing.

I plain old miss it. Sometimes it's good to reminisce.

On the bright side...

My sweet and darling husband just texted me (text? texted?)

"on the bright side I get to drop one quiz. And on the other bright side I got **high score** on my test last night!"

He was seriously angry about his quiz score for maybe an hour....but most likely more like 15 minutes. The man has a super power of getting over things. I need that! Ugh that is why I love him.

But really on the bright side I am incredibly blessed.

I have an uuber cute hubs who likes to kiss my face
My puppy says goodbye to me in the morning with the sweetest sad face and kisses
I don't even have to use periods at the end of sentences
life is great! ( no caps either!)


Here is my pro & con list for going to grad school.

Pros of Grad School	Cons of Grad school
School! learning	Papers/homework
No more work! (teaching kills/thrills)	No income from da job
More time at home with Ollie	Applying is rough
More opportunities afterwards	Taking the GRE is rough
Writing again	Lots of sitting
Broadening my scope/seeing more than the inside of my classroom	Applying while working is hard
Resume extending	might have to go to bed after 10:30....
Spend less on gasoline
Less stress on the back
Student discounts
Student Insurance

So, pretty good options I'd say. If I went to back to school I'd have to whip my buns into gear real quick to take the GRE in December. I'd also have to submit pieces of writing I've already created. This isn't so terrible as I've written about a million essays in my career as a 5-year college undergrad- but I would need to do some serious editing I'm sure. 

I can't even remember what's Kosher in college. Mostly I'm more worried about kids finishing their sentences with a period (hypocrite). So this whole editing process could be difficult. I may need to enlist some helpers. 

Also letters of recommendation. Things that make ya say hmmmmmmm. Options- Greirson, Thursby, Bennion, Dean, Dyer. All these peoples has seen my writings and know that sometimes i's can write good.

In other news, I came into my 4th hour class the other day and all the kids were reading (like precious angels) with their right hands on top of their heads. Like it was just normal. Because normal people do such things. All 30 of them. Bunch of weirdos. Love them.

Plogged

Yes, plogged. What is that feeling when your ears are stuffy and clogged and plugged? Plogged. Naturally.

A new word I invented that is close to the word plagued- which I cannot say correctly if my life depended on it.

And the reason for which I write this entry.

I've been struggling with an obnoxious and debilitating back injury since last November and I'm coming up on the year mark. I have not run, danced,jumped, or done any physical activity come to think of it, without being in pain for a year now.

How can that be? I'm 24, in the best shape of my life (after recovering from Summer De Otto 2013 and it's divine eats) and I'm active as all get out. I walk my dog, I swim once a week, I do yoga at least three times a week, and I usually throw in climbing or playing at the park- and oh yes, teaching middle school for 6 hours a day. I am NOT sedentary, overweight, depressed, or bored by any stretch of anyone's imagination.

So what is wrong?

1. When I stand, sit, swim, do anything for more than 10 minutes my back starts to collapse under my body weight. It's like a giant anvil is placed at the top of my spine, picked back up, then dropped again, over and over and over.

2. I'm inexplicably exhausted the day after a good workout. I love working out. I could work out for hours if my body didn't fight me over it. If I push myself to excel, even just in my Yoga practice, the next day is torture. I wake up tired, I feel sleepy all day, yawns beyond yawns, and my body is cold and wracked with aches and pains. It's a bit more severe than your average post-workout-soreness...

3. My moods are "like a wrecking ball". Yep quoted that. For one day, hour, minute- I'm happy as can be, happy to help, clear minded and excited to chat, teach or converse in general. The next minute I want to throttle someone then cry in the corner of the teacher's lounge. I snap at kids, I treat my husband like one of my students, and reign like the Queen of hearts over my students- though most heads are still in place.

4. I'm so tired, Did I mention that? I fell asleep on my desk during my prep period DURING a Spanish class that was going on in my room. DURING.

5. My sacrum, low back, and low spine are on constant alert for a 'zing' to run up or across my back. If those happen I give and audible OW! regardless of where I am. The pain is so severe that I usually have to hold on to something around me for a second before I regain control and balance.

6. Shoulders, neck, head- ache, ache, ache. everything hurts. That's just stupid, how can everything hurt? It's not all the time, but there's usually something wrong, hurting, or throbbing at all times.

There you have it. I'm most likely turning into a vampire or some other creature right?
I've bored you enough. In other news. We're still waiting on Med/DO schools and worrying about interviews. Ben is still the most darling husband I've ever loved. And Oliver is cuter than he should be and best little companion. I'm thinking of taking the GRE and perhaps going to Grad School but I'm not sure my body can take more stress at the moment. And My parents have regular pickle-ball tournaments.

Obviously.