Currently

Well gee golly gosh.

Lately our lives have been insane. Like really I've felt like I should be placed in an insane asylum.

Eating-
Ben and I have been eating like Health nuts for the past two months- though admittedly we've had a rough couple of weeks due to crazy schedules and life. Anyway I challenged myself to no sugar for a month and was incredibly successful! I made lots of muffins-which Ben loved, and we had healthy meals all that month. My body looooved it- but it was a bit difficult. Most of my time was spent cooking and planning good foods but it was worth it. I lost ten pounds which is absurd and fabulous because now I have no clothes to wear...
In other eating news we discovered  The Choc'late Mousse  a Pie Bar. It is truly the most fabulous dessert bar in Provo. You get to choose the filling, crust and toppings to your little wine/martini glass of pie. Really all you need is that little amount and you are happy as a Camel on hump-day (Ben's favorite commercial right now)

Loving-
We are loving our puppy right now. He is such a happy little guy and he's learning lots of new tricks. His repertoire now includes- sit, stay, up, down, hup (jumping over legs, arms etc) walk, come, catch, fetch, roll over, and this crazy thing where ben puts treats on his paws and he stares at them until you say ok and then he snatches them. Seriously=genius dog.

Ben is loving the cadaver lab where he spends most of his days, nights, life, staring at dead bodies and deciding whether that looks like a spleen or a chicken nugget.

Sydney is loving Yoga. I go to classes around 3-4 times a week and recently signed up for level 1 teacher training for January! I could not be more excited to see what opportunities this opens up for me. Of course I'll be at the studio even more than Ben has ben at the C.Lab, but at least the company is alive! Also I LOVED dressing up as Cinderella for Halloween! mostly proud that this costume I wore as a senior in high school still fit!

Feeling-
Honestly we've been a little stressed lately. We are waiting to hear from med schools- I'm studying for the GRE that won't do much for me if we get into med school-We have no idea where we'll be living next year, or what we'll be doing! So life is stressful but we are also feeling blessed because we have a great job, a great apartment, a fabulous dog, and each other!

Wanting-
To get into med school. period.

Enjoying-Oh we are enjoying lots of things. Lately we've been trying to go to the Provo Temple to get some family names done which has been a great experience. As Mormons we believe that it is our responsibility to perform sacred ordinances in the Temple for family that has passed on. These ordinances ensure that our families will be together forever, even after death! There is no "till death do us part" when families are sealed in the temple for time and ALL eternity!


So life is still good and we are looking forward to the Holidays just around the corner! Ben's family will be here for Thanksgiving then we'll be going to MI for a bit of Christmas then Mexico for the rest with mi familia! We're pumped- oh yes and our anniversary is in one month! Two years down- eternity to go!

wanderlust

Lots of people use their blogs for pictures I've noticed. I mostly use mine for writing.

When I was 20 I went to Italy for 6 weeks and then Greece for 1 week. I can honestly say I'd never felt more alive before that (I've done a lot of living since though). Of course I didn't feel dead, I just didn't feel like I was living as fully as I did in Italy.

There are lots of reasons for this phenom but I've really been thinking about it a lot lately, and mostly it makes me want to cry every time I think of it.

Actually- the sound of my washer cleaning Ben's clothes also makes me want to cry right now...must be that time again!

Anyway. Italy was the first place and time when I was in charge of no one but myself. It was my most selfish and introverted time whilst being my most flamboyant as well. Everything was about me. I had my own room, bathroom, spot outside our apt, music to listen to as I fell asleep, discussions with myself, my own friend, my own experiences, my own everything. No one at home could even imagine all the gorgeousness I saw everyday and I secretly loved that. I wrote essays and such to share with mi familia but it's not the same.

Everyday was like living in a fairytale. The whole city is a fairytale. The grocery store, the fruit stands, the gelato shops, the sites, the cobblestone, the pizza, the air/smog/oil, the superstition, the artists, the art, the street performers, the doorways to houses, the flower boxes, the colors of everything. It was so bright and vivid and alive!

I just miss it. I miss the uncertainty of it all and the adventure. I miss our little apartment and the train and walking everywhere.

My life now is an even bigger and wilder adventure, but sometimes I dream about sitting on the porch behind our apt. with a big bowl of fruit and my computer and listening to the pianist in our complex and breathing in the olive oil and writing.

I plain old miss it. Sometimes it's good to reminisce.

On the bright side...

My sweet and darling husband just texted me (text? texted?)

"on the bright side I get to drop one quiz. And on the other bright side I got **high score** on my test last night!"

He was seriously angry about his quiz score for maybe an hour....but most likely more like 15 minutes. The man has a super power of getting over things. I need that! Ugh that is why I love him.

But really on the bright side I am incredibly blessed.

I have an uuber cute hubs who likes to kiss my face
My puppy says goodbye to me in the morning with the sweetest sad face and kisses
I don't even have to use periods at the end of sentences
life is great! ( no caps either!)


Here is my pro & con list for going to grad school.

Pros of Grad School	Cons of Grad school
School! learning	Papers/homework
No more work! (teaching kills/thrills)	No income from da job
More time at home with Ollie	Applying is rough
More opportunities afterwards	Taking the GRE is rough
Writing again	Lots of sitting
Broadening my scope/seeing more than the inside of my classroom	Applying while working is hard
Resume extending	might have to go to bed after 10:30....
Spend less on gasoline
Less stress on the back
Student discounts
Student Insurance

So, pretty good options I'd say. If I went to back to school I'd have to whip my buns into gear real quick to take the GRE in December. I'd also have to submit pieces of writing I've already created. This isn't so terrible as I've written about a million essays in my career as a 5-year college undergrad- but I would need to do some serious editing I'm sure. 

I can't even remember what's Kosher in college. Mostly I'm more worried about kids finishing their sentences with a period (hypocrite). So this whole editing process could be difficult. I may need to enlist some helpers. 

Also letters of recommendation. Things that make ya say hmmmmmmm. Options- Greirson, Thursby, Bennion, Dean, Dyer. All these peoples has seen my writings and know that sometimes i's can write good.

In other news, I came into my 4th hour class the other day and all the kids were reading (like precious angels) with their right hands on top of their heads. Like it was just normal. Because normal people do such things. All 30 of them. Bunch of weirdos. Love them.

Plogged

Yes, plogged. What is that feeling when your ears are stuffy and clogged and plugged? Plogged. Naturally.

A new word I invented that is close to the word plagued- which I cannot say correctly if my life depended on it.

And the reason for which I write this entry.

I've been struggling with an obnoxious and debilitating back injury since last November and I'm coming up on the year mark. I have not run, danced,jumped, or done any physical activity come to think of it, without being in pain for a year now.

How can that be? I'm 24, in the best shape of my life (after recovering from Summer De Otto 2013 and it's divine eats) and I'm active as all get out. I walk my dog, I swim once a week, I do yoga at least three times a week, and I usually throw in climbing or playing at the park- and oh yes, teaching middle school for 6 hours a day. I am NOT sedentary, overweight, depressed, or bored by any stretch of anyone's imagination.

So what is wrong?

1. When I stand, sit, swim, do anything for more than 10 minutes my back starts to collapse under my body weight. It's like a giant anvil is placed at the top of my spine, picked back up, then dropped again, over and over and over.

2. I'm inexplicably exhausted the day after a good workout. I love working out. I could work out for hours if my body didn't fight me over it. If I push myself to excel, even just in my Yoga practice, the next day is torture. I wake up tired, I feel sleepy all day, yawns beyond yawns, and my body is cold and wracked with aches and pains. It's a bit more severe than your average post-workout-soreness...

3. My moods are "like a wrecking ball". Yep quoted that. For one day, hour, minute- I'm happy as can be, happy to help, clear minded and excited to chat, teach or converse in general. The next minute I want to throttle someone then cry in the corner of the teacher's lounge. I snap at kids, I treat my husband like one of my students, and reign like the Queen of hearts over my students- though most heads are still in place.

4. I'm so tired, Did I mention that? I fell asleep on my desk during my prep period DURING a Spanish class that was going on in my room. DURING.

5. My sacrum, low back, and low spine are on constant alert for a 'zing' to run up or across my back. If those happen I give and audible OW! regardless of where I am. The pain is so severe that I usually have to hold on to something around me for a second before I regain control and balance.

6. Shoulders, neck, head- ache, ache, ache. everything hurts. That's just stupid, how can everything hurt? It's not all the time, but there's usually something wrong, hurting, or throbbing at all times.

There you have it. I'm most likely turning into a vampire or some other creature right?
I've bored you enough. In other news. We're still waiting on Med/DO schools and worrying about interviews. Ben is still the most darling husband I've ever loved. And Oliver is cuter than he should be and best little companion. I'm thinking of taking the GRE and perhaps going to Grad School but I'm not sure my body can take more stress at the moment. And My parents have regular pickle-ball tournaments.

Obviously.

Life is terrifying

Oh Hi Life is terrifying! Wanna know why?

1. I'm teaching 3 grades right now. Not like 3 different 9th grade classes, but 3 different grades. 7, 8, 9.

2. I have a small dog who is somewhat like a baby and tomorrow is the first day we leave him for extended periods of time so we can both go to school/work. Eek! I'm sure he'll be fine, but he's just a baby!

3. Ben is applying to medical schools right now and our lives are hanging in the balance. Either is ok I'd just like to know!

4. Ben also just bought a scooter...like the motorized, helmet wearing, tiny horn scooters.

5. We start the ultimate budgeting system this month. I'm quite scared to see how much we actually spend :/

6. I'm the student Council advisor this year. Should be hillarious.

That's it, that's all.
Turns out terror is something very close to excitement so I'm quite happy about that.

First Week of school musings

Ah, blogosphere! I've missed you!

I finally decided to catch up on some blog reading and found the most fantastic entry by one of my College/teacher friends ( can I say that Regan?) Annyywayy, she wrote about a convocation speech she had read recently that resonated with her.

This year at my school we are starting a campaign called "Not at my School" in an effort to prevent bullying. It's amazing how mean kids can be! Not to mention teachers...sometimes it just happens people! We're not perfect! 160 kids all day long is sometimes more than the most patient teacher can handle!

Last year my last month of school was tainted becuase I exhibited a "failure of kindness", I guess you could even go so far as to say I was plain mean to one of my students. It was not on purpose and it was in reaction to something potentially dangerous, but that's no excuse. This entry helped me remember that I must be the example of kindness to my students if I am to expect kindness from them.

the story-

Here’s something I regret:

In seventh grade, this new kid joined our class.  In the interest of confidentiality, her Convocation Speech name will be “ELLEN.”  ELLEN was small, shy.  She wore these blue cat’s-eye glasses that, at the time, only old ladies wore.  When nervous, which was pretty much always, she had a habit of taking a strand of hair into her mouth and chewing on it.

So she came to our school and our neighborhood, and was mostly ignored, occasionally teased (“Your hair taste good?” – that sort of thing).  I could see this hurt her.  I still remember the way she’d look after such an insult: eyes cast down, a little gut-kicked, as if, having just been reminded of her place in things, she was trying, as much as possible, to disappear.  After awhile she’d drift away, hair-strand still in her mouth.  At home, I imagined, after school, her mother would say, you know: “How was your day, sweetie?” and she’d say, “Oh, fine.”  And her mother would say, “Making any friends?” and she’d go, “Sure, lots.”

Sometimes I’d see her hanging around alone in her front yard, as if afraid to leave it.

And then – they moved.  That was it.  No tragedy, no big final hazing.

One day she was there, next day she wasn’t.

End of story.

Now, why do I regret that?  Why, forty-two years later, am I still thinking about it?  Relative to most of the other kids, I was actually pretty nice to her.  I never said an unkind word to her.  In fact, I sometimes even (mildly) defended her.

But still.  It bothers me.

So here’s something I know to be true, although it’s a little corny, and I don’t quite know what to do with it:

What I regret most in my life are failures of kindness. 

Those moments when another human being was there, in front of me, suffering, and I responded…sensibly.  Reservedly.  Mildly.

Or, to look at it from the other end of the telescope:  Who, in your life, do you remember most fondly, with the most undeniable feelings of warmth?

Those who were kindest to you, I bet.

It’s a little facile, maybe, and certainly hard to implement, but I’d say, as a goal in life, you could do worse than: Try to be kinder.

So please try and be a little kinder this week will ya?

Here's the Thing

Here's the thing
I'm not incredibly inspired to write! Why you might ask?

Who can be sure?

could it be that I'm tirelessly distracted by this?

seriously. beach. babe. pup.

What more could I want right now?

Also- right now my little pup is snuggling with me as I write this and there's really no time to waste!

Currently

I'm so terribly sorry little blog- I have ignored and abused thee. But here I am once more to report on the insanity that has been the past month or so.

Once again I bring you "Currently" with the Ottos

Eating- Since we are moving to MI for the summer we have ben eating anything and everything that is already in our tiny kitchen. This has led to some creative dinners. Black bean burgers (frozen) Veggie Mixes (Frozen) Assorted muffins (with Frozen berries) {I refuse to buy cereal is I can just keep making muffins...} Anyway, you get the idea. Frozen foods and canned goods to the rescue! Also we ate about a million cuppys and candies for Zoee Gail's birthday- heaven.

Loving-The fact that I have 5 MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL. Heavens people, the first year really is madness and I'm more than happy to leave it in the past after this week. It's fabulous don't get me wrong, but also terrifying, draining, stretching, maddening and all around rough. I'm also loving that I get my baby puppy in 7 days!!

side note- we've decided to name him Oliver :) Ollie for short!

Feeling- Relieved- Ben has FINALLY taken the MCAT! and though we won't know what he got for another month- it's over!! Halleluja I'm so proud of that man! The family predicts a 44 in his future and a ridiculously expensive medical school......Also relieved that school is almost over and that the dreaded Shakespeare Festival has finally ended.
Also feeling like a terrible person because a student's parent had to teach me a hard learned lesson this week that probably merits it's own blog post because it's so embarrassing. Like I said, rough.
Lastly- feeling a win. A student that I taught during my student teaching sent me a kind email and a graduation announcement! He said that my class had been one of the best and most fun learning experiences in his life. I about cried.


Wanting-School to end..oh have I said that already? We are wanting a lovely 2-3 bedroom apartment that is pet friendly to open up in Provo so we will have somewhere to live next Fall. Because as of now we are those cutey homeless people you see on the side of the road with a dog and a sign that says "will work for a room!"Lovely. I've also been wanting to see my baby sisters again and my baby nephew! Gosh dang is he cute!

Enjoying- The weather! It has been nice and cool and stormy these past couple days. And then gorgeous and sunny! We've taken advantage and gone on walks, went rock climbing up the canyon and I have personally been enjoying popping a monster horse pill for my allergies every day! Ben has been enjoying his MCAT studying and working out everyday because that's ALL HE DOES folks. It's grand. I've been enjoying this marvelous show called "call the Midwife" on PBS and I'm completely obsessed. I may or may not be convinced that I should have lived in the 50's. Or the 30's for Downtown Abbey. I have a PBS/BBC problem.

adieu and bon ete!

Favorite student award

25 minutes after school gets out

Me: *watching Baz Luhrman's Romeo and Juliet in my classroom, prepping for R&J*

Male Student 1: (barges into the classroom) Hey Mrs. Otto!

Male student 2: (right on his heels) What's up Mrs. Otto?

(both students sit in desks near mine)

Me: Hey guys, what can I do for you?

Student 1: We just wanted to talk about the play!

Student 2: Yeah, yeah! We just wanted to chat about Romeo and Juliet, that was a great performance today!

Me: yeahhhh.......

Random Kid in doorway: Hey, 'sup

Me: uhhhh

Student 1: oh, that's my brother. We were just coming to say hi.

Random Kid "brother": Yeah right you liars, you just wanted to show me the hottest teacher in the school! Come on we gotta go!

Students 1 &2 : (heads hung in embarrassment, moseying out of the room) 'slater Mrs. Otto.

Me: ....bye guys.....


yep, made my day.

Caesar dressing- stories of wonderment

When I was 15 I learned how to make the most divine salad dressing known to mankind by Miss Jennifer Smith In Green Bay Wisconsin.

Then I forgot it.....

When I finally entered the real world as an adult I remembered said dressing and how heavenly it made those nasty little rabbit foods tastet. I HAD to have it.

Naturally I turned to my mother, the knower of all things food.

She has taken said recipe and written it out into real life measurements, but to be honest, these women just throw things together and out pops glory, so experiment!

Ingredients for Croutons
- Everything bagels (I usually tear up 2 or 3 depending on how bready I feel)
- a little olive oil to drizzle over
- some garlic salt to sprinkle on top

obviously I have yet to create an exact science, get creative people! Drizzle olive oil over torn pieces of bagel in a saute pan until a little brown, then bake in the over at 325 F for ten minutes. Ta-da!

Dressing
- 1 Cup olive Oil
-4 cloves garlic (pressed in the oil, let it sit for a bit)
-1 tbs mayo
-2 tbs brown mustard
-2 tbs Worcestershire sauce
- 4 tbs Red Wine Vinegar
--Juice from 1- 1.5 lemons (depends how tart you like it!)
-a little salt

Wisk together until blended

Pour over fresh, crisp, green lettuce with the croutons and a little fresh parmesan cheese and you'll never be happier! Oh wait, add a little chicken to that and THAT will be the happiest you've ever been.

For the love of parents

Today a parent came in to chat with me after school...

mind you- I've had both great (we love you!) and hideous (it's your fault he's getting an F!) experiences with this so I was a little nervous.

She was a parent I'd never met before and turns out I have two of her kids, one in 7th and one in 9th.

The 7th grader is a pretty normal boy, just chill and a great student but I've never had trouble with him.

The 9th grade girl is a different story. She's your classic, closet creator.

The kind that shows her personality to no one but her journal,
has very few if any friends at school
and rarely, if ever, speaks.

She is absolutely vibrant on paper, beautiful, poignant thoughts and an attitude! She has very specific opinions and will not be swayed by classmates. But she also won't talk to them about it either-she just is the way she is. She LOVES the Twilight series, and is an avid reader as far as I could tell.

Her mother comes in, we talk about the boy, then she says "but really I want to talk about *girl*"

She procedes to tell me how much of a difference I've made in her daughter's life. That I've fueled her (very recent) budding love of reading. I've encouraged her in her writing and built her confidence. And that she loves me as a teacher, and my class is one of the only reasons she likes to come to school.

Teary eyed and sniffling, she said that I had made a difference.

{after a week of parents questioning my book choices, finalizing term grades, screaming/anxious kids ready for spring break, whiny teachers,  and a myriad of sundry issues, I realized this,}

It's all worth it. Every five weeks of torture is worth 5 minutes of a parent telling you that you are loved by their kid.

Maybe I do love this job after all.

Da Boinjamin

here's the deal

Benjamin is...

• in a million difficult classes including some version of 
• chemistry, 
• physics, 
• physiology, 
• and some other sumthin sumthin this term plus two labs
• studying for the MCAT in ALL his extra time- including but not limited to, in the car, on his walk to school, and whenever he looks at the bathroom mirror (he's written some nice equations there for me to learn whilst applying makeup...)
• taking a killer MCAT class two days a week three hours each in Orem
• attempting to stay fit by going swimming at 6 am, or
• to the gym in the evenings

...but he was late to MCAT class tonight because he dreaded the thought of me coming home to dirty dishes.

I've married an angel. 

Teaching is hard

Can I just tell you that my job is hard?
Not always in the--demanding, busy, hectic--way, but in other ways.

1. Emotional toll- last night i worried and fretted all evening about one of my students who is feeling depressed and having some emotional crapola going on. It seriously knotted up my guts! I feel like these kids are mine! My life! Heaven knows I can't stand them some days, but I'm really going to miss their crazy ideas, dreams, stories and laughs after school ends.

2. The loudness- I've never heard so much noise in my entire life....and I've been to several concerts and not been able to hear the next day. Maybe it's the shrillness of their tiny voices....?

3. The energy zap- I'm completely devoid of all energy when the day is done. Even (almost especially) on the days when the kids mostly conduct their own class, or work days. I just feel like I got hit by a bus, then flipped over it, fell off the back and landed on another friendly vehicle. I end up looking like this...

All this is fine and dandy but in the end, I do love my kids, I love being here every day and being a part of their lives. I love laughing with them (they think I'm funny!) and crying with them. I love their hairbrained ideas that lead to amazing projects, and I love their humanness.

Adults get less and less human, and less and less honest. Kids are always honest. It's safe to say I fit better here than in the real world. I'll just have to get over the hard stuff.

Bedsprings

Sometimes, during that time of the month, I cry. Alot.

Usually it's at a sweet commercial, a tender email, or a touching rap song.....

But sometimes it's because my husband wants to sell our bed springs that make our bed 4 1/2 feet tall 

You don't understand! That bed is my cloud of heavenly goodness! I can lay there and see NOTHING! It's like a floating pool of softness where no students, friends, family, or other "life" things are allowed. That is where I sit and chat with Ben when he comes home and he gives me giant monster hugs and I can actually reach him! It is my piece of heaven and I was consequently devastated that the bedsprings were leaving.

Ben took them off so I could see how it felt.

I laid there, rolled around, blew my nose a bit.

Made him put them back on.

Then I cried, for an hour, over bedsprings.

I was forced to text the girl who bought them that I was too emotionally attached to my bed springs to let them leave my sight.

So thank you PMS- You saved my bedsprings. All is right with the world.

Birth Month

February is the maddest, craziest month. I love it.

First we have Ben's Birthday. We played all day, xcountry skied, ate delicious foods and played with family. He really is the darlingest boy I've ever met and I'm SO  grateful that he was born just in time for me! I'm pretty sure we couldn't wait to be together, that's why we're only 8 days apart!

Fancy cheeses at The Copper Onion!

It was a family affair

Then we have Valentin's day. This could possibly be the best Valentine's day I've ever had....ever. That'a a big deal yo! The day started out quietly until I realized (per text) that ben had snuck a valentine in my purse. A massage!!! A MASSAGE PEOPLE! best valentine ever! So I have yet to take advantage of my gift in SLC but it's in the works! The day was already won when, during lunch, I got called down to the office. And there, my dream come true, was a beautiful bouquet of roses and red carnations that was lovely! I was so happy! I squealed inside like a little girl! They are still sitting on my desk, even though all the roses have died (I threw them away don't worry). ANyway, the flowers we'rent even the best part! It also came with the sweetest note from the love of my life that made me almost cry and have to go into the hallway to call Ben because I was so excited :) ah, great day. Oh yes, then of course we went to Bombay House for dinner  and had all the delicious foods we could stuff in our mouths! WE had the best time chatting and laughing and eating. One of my favorite days so far I think!

Lastly cam my Birthday. More on that later. I'm pooped.

Brave People

I've never been surrounded by so many brave people in my life. I probably cry on a daily basis because it's overwhelming! So many brave people and kind and amazing.

My Husband's aunt is a new foster mom of three siblings and every time I read her blog I get teary- she is amazing! She claims to gain all this strength from those around her but it's so obvious that she is the one who is wowing everyone. I cannot even imagine the love that woman emanates. Sheesh!

My sister is having a baby...like tomorrow.....I just barely got up the courage to pay for a dog that's not eve born yet! ( I know, get over it people, i'm getting a puppy instead of a baby). She is so ready for this baby to come! That girl can love a baby no matter whose or where it's from--her capacity for love is massive. She has all the cribs and bouncing things and onezies and I'm so impressed that she is so calm. I'm sure she's scared to death inside but I'm still ridiculously impressed.

Ben. If there was a braver person I'd like to meet them. This boy goes to class everyday, comes home, takes care of me (usually does the dishes since I despise it) goes to some ridiculous 3 hour MCAT class then comes home to do homework. He never stops! And really he never complains! I'm absolutely obsessed with him....I can't believe he would sacrifice so much time and energy just so that he can get into medical school and provide for us. He's too amazing, I'm a lucky girl.


just wow. I don't even have anything artistic or beautiful to say because I can't even think straight. These people are inspiring and beautiful and someday I wish to be so bold and so brave.

PUPPY ALERT!!!

Good news everyone. My puppy may or may not be brewing!!!

RIGHT NOW!

HOly Hannah I can hardly contain  myself. I seriously have wanted this puppy for a year now and I've just been waiting patiently! The breeder emailed me that the mom bred last week and hopefully she'll be pregnant! That means she should have the baby at the beginning of April and I should have my puppy at the end of May!!!

HOO-RAH!

seriously. I'm excited.

Dogs are only pregnant for two months, which is fantastical, then they need to be with their mommy for another 6-9 weeks. So I'm hoping to get her after I get out of school and we move back to MI.

oh my heavenly days I"m thrilled. This puppy will not only be the death of me, cuteness wise, but it will also satisfy baby hunger for the time being :) YAY!

that is all. You are all dismissed.

Currently

template/idea stolen from the lovely Mrs.Lysenko ....

our lives currently.

Eating- 
Having finally finished sam's blanket for Henry we've gotten back into the habit of having dinner. For a while it's been "fend for yourself!" night, every night....rough times for the Benjamin. Either that or we mooched- a free pizza from Terra Mia, take-out from Bombay House, and of course another free pizza at Alan and Catherine's. Seriously it was time for some homemade foodage!

Loving-

Right now I'm obsessed with my future puppy. He's a miniature labradoodle! He won't be born for a bit yet...but it's in the works people! I will finally have a furry friend of my own! Both Ben and I are also recently loving cross country skiing. We traveled up to Park City over Martin Luther King day weekend and had a ball playing with family in the perfect trails.


Feeling-
Deprived. I've been trying to watch the calories and take better care of myself but mostly I just miss chocolate, cookies, cake, and other sugary items. Ben has been feeling both pooped and enlightened as he's studying for the MCAT coming up this spring. I have been recruited to help cut out flash cards. I'm pretty dang good if I do say so myself! But honestly I've been feeling great after getting into a Yoga class at BYU. I forget that my whole body needs care, not just my empty stomach.

Wanting-

I've been sincerely wanting bath salts....weird I know. But I have this strange desire for bath salts, oils, bubble bath etc. I've never liked taking baths but recently it's all I want to do. I feel so stressed after working with kids all day that I just want to walk through the door, ditch the stiff outfit and climb into a soothing bathtub. Ben's sincerely wants a clean living room.....turns out the baby blanket required the use of the couch, floor, and coffee table for a straight week :)

Enjoying-
When it's late Saturday night and all the friends have gone, we can be found absolutely entranced by Merlin the new TV show on Netflix we cannot get enough of. Who can resist nerdy actors portraying Medieval hero's? We've also been enjoying the putrid and dangerous filthy air of Provo's newest Inversion. Joyful. As always, we've been enjoying family time. This month we had a Winslow dinner with the Hancock side and lots of Fun Times with the Otto's- skiing, climbing, but mostly--Banana Grams.

It's been a good month :)

Week Two. Wisdom.

This week I focused on seeking wisdom.
In Luke 2:40-52 is the story of Jesus growing up. There's not a whole lot to say but what is said is pretty important. It says that He "waxed strong in spirit, filled with wisdom, and the grace of God" and that He "increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man."

important points

• even though Christ is and was perfect He still had to learn, grow and experience.
• He found favor in the eyes of God his father AND with mortal man. This means that we cannot simply go around waiting with our LDS friends for the 2nd coming and hiding away from the real world. We are to be IN the world but not OF the world. Being powerful, popular, or well-known are not bad things, in fact they could help spread the gospel even more!

in Matthew 11:28-30 Jesus is speaking about those who labour and are heavy laden (which is what I feel like on a regular basis teaching 7th graders...). He asks us to take his yoke upon us, and to LEARN of Him. I was always concerned with the yoke part and forgot about the learning. We are to Learn of Christ so that we can be like Him and ask for his help. That is the only way we will find rest.

In the LDS magazine the Ensign, there was a talk by Elder Anderson entitled Wisdom of God this month. Elder Anderson talks about being wise in the ways of God instead of the ways of the world. Though we must live in the World, we do not have to be wiser than we are in the ways of God. Does that make sense?

this is what I mean...

We need to FIRST make sure we are following the teachings, lessons and directions from the Lord.

THEN we can be sure we are aligned in the ways of the Lord. 

If the two ever crossover or clash, we will always know which to follow if we follow the Lord's ways first. 

Heavenly Father will take care of that, I'm positive. But we can help take care of ourselves if we learn the  lessons He has already set out there for us to learn in the scriptures and through the prophets. 

ah, Oh to be wise.

Faith is fearless, sometimes.

This week I studied faith in the scriptures. Specifically faith in the birth of Jesus Christ.

oh yesh, I forgot to mention that i'm going to be trying to study some aspect of Christ's life each week and then report on my findings here.

Annywayysss. So I looked at a few key places where the birth of Christ was foretold and I learned more than I bargained for.

In 3rd Nephi, Nephi is explaining that Samuel the Lamanite's prophecy had not yet come to pass. Samuel had prophesied, in Helaman14, that when Jesus was born there would be a day, a night, and a day with no darkness. The light would shine all through the night and the people would know that their Savior had been born. But it hadn't happened yet and the non- believers were getting restless. They set a date and vowed that if the prolonged day was not accomplished by then that the believers would be destroyed.

With that huge background.....
Nephi explains that the people believed in the coming of Christ so much that they had "faith unto destruction". They were willing to wait until they were wiped off the earth to know that their was hope. They were willing to sacrifice their lives and posterity to simply believe in a chance day. The day wouldn't even be anything grand, no fireworks, or holy messengers. No singing angels or shepherds in a field. All they would see is a longer day than usual and a new star in the heavens.

I was shocked. How could they have so much faith? There are people in the world that STILL cannot believe that Christ even ever lived though there is plenty of evidence. I know that Christ lived, and died for us, but I know because I've been taught, I've read about his life, I've even traveled where his apostles have traveled to feel that spirit.

But would I have had "faith unto destruction" back then? Would I have had that unfailing faith for just a longer day? That is what faith is. It is absolutely fearless. Knowing that Heavenly Father will keep his promises to us if we are diligent and obedient to his word and gospel.

I want to have that much faith, to be so full of the knowledge of Jesus Christ that I'm not even afraid of destruction. I'm thankful that I live in a time when I can read about the beautiful signs and miracles of His coming, both past and future. And like in 3rd Nephi 2:1, I will not forget those signs and I will watch for them.

I will have faith unto destruction.

What makes you Brave?

I asked my students to write a journal entry on what makes them brave today.

I didn't get to read the answers but I can't stop thinking about it. I explained that I feel like a new year is terrifying, and sad, and hard, and that I feel like just giving up at the thought of a new year. But there has got to be something that keeps us motivated right? Something that keeps us from falling off our bed in the morning and crawling into a tiny ball in our PJ's and sucking our thumbs until the night comes again? There's got to be.

These are the things which make us brave. That make us brave? who knows.

Anyway. There are several things that makes me brave.

1. Prayer to my Heavenly Father. I cannot imagine not being able to access that relationship every day and being constantly comforted and buoyed up by His love and care.

2. Sugar. For real. I am absolutely addicted to it and I think about the next delicious thing I'm going to make and what it's going to look, taste, and smell like. I'm obsessed.....for this readon I'm on a processed/baked sugar fast for the next 2 weeks. Whoop-de-do....

3. Ben. That guy is so dang positive! I seriously think he must have some strange book that translates women talk. Today (the beginning to that lovely monthly gift) he decided he would help me go to Costco, help me do the laundry, clean all the dishes and the kitchen, and rave about dinner even though it was a little off. Dear Heavens he is heaven sent.

4. Future. The future must be brighter because it can only get better from a day where one would like to be squashed between the wall and her gigantic bed in footie pajamas with a jar of nutella. The future hold gorgeous things, the end of the term, the end of the year, summer, family, our family, beautiful life.

I could go on and on.

I guess I'm trying to say that love makes me brave. My love for things, people, time, and their never wavering love for me. I am trying to be brave world, but it's very scary out there.

The Interim

At the end of something fabulous and the beginning of something unknown I tend to fall apart.

The whole nine yards...
-sobbing
-gloomy
-sugar binge
-uptight
-disagreeable
-and generally sad.

Plain old sad.

When I got married this happened for a goo two weeks straight and then another couple months here and there. Don't get me wrong, I was thrilled to marry Ben! It's the best thing that's happened so far in all my 23 years! But the mourning of my old life, and the transition to my new one was devastating for me. I could not make the two slip into one another like a hand in a glove. One life was a very gnarly old hand and the other life was a sleek, leather glove.

I've coined this strange occurrence "the interim".

Lately I've been plagued by one of my more difficult interims. We had one of the most amazing Christmas Breaks I've ever had. It was full of family, friends, food, lazyness, memories, skiing, food, laughter, games, anniversaries, black diamonds, aquarium fish, food, shopping, sisters, brothers, mommies and pops, and naturally-cookies.

Needless to say it was perfect, the perfect break from my life on planet.....well, for appropriateness' sake....middle school.
No more, yelling, running around, teaching, planning, monotony, surprises, kids, papers, assignments, parents. No More me being an adult.
Oh yes, plus I finally got to see my husband :)

We returned to ProvoLand after New Year's and the effect of my interim was shocking. I immediately felt awful and terrified of what was coming next. Mind you I knew exactly what was coming next but I could not come to terms with it. I couldn't leave my tiny paradise behind and go into the world of 6-3pm. again.

Thankfully I have the most darling husband in the world who holds me tight and listens when I'm low then makes me tea in my favorite owl mug. Love him.

Anyway, tomorrow this interim ends. The new beginning starts and the sadness will start to fade as I remember how much I love those kids and how hilarious my life is. I will go to the grocery store and revel in the ability I have to pick out my own food and cook meals I love and experiment in the kitchen. I will drag my dirty laundry down the stairs into the 10 degree weather and wash it gladly so I can once more nuzzle my nose into Ben's shoulder and smell home. I will call up my sister and sister-in-law (my new best friends) and we will go to the gym and talk about love while pretending to stay healthy.

But for now- excuse me while I tear up and take my last interim moments up by watching the season premier of Downton Abbey.